meditation of a genderqueer being

in meditation, i often focus on the third eye where i am able to see the present more clearly and remember who i am.  i am queer to the very core of my being, even though i have to hide it at times. my third eye is placed in front of the rainbow of my insides, in the middle of the “dark cloak” i often use to hide my identity – in order to protect myself.

i open my eyes to the indigo light 
filtering through my window and caressing my wall
the gentle eyes of sun lifting its gaze to meet mine

feet touching the cold of white ceramic tiles
breathing in deep towards the center of my being
beginning the ritual of honoring the spirit within

on days it speaks the masculine 
i adorn my body with loose pants and old button-up shirts
gray chest binder embracing the brown of my torso

on days it speaks the feminine
i adorn my body with wooden earrings and low-cut lace tops
the feminine coursing deep within my fingers and deep within my hips

on days it speaks neither
an emptiness full of abundance as it is everything and nothing
an outside of a binary we have restricted ourselves to be

i step ever closer to living in the peace and in the freedom
seated patiently, within the depths of the chambers of my heart

and here, i am able to remember who i am most earnestly
in the fullest and most vibrant form it deserves
remembering the honor which was gently bestowed upon me 

in receiving the gift 
of queerness.

and everyday is an endeavor to embrace this legacy given
to honor queer ancestors who have come before me 
to honor queer ancestors who have rebelled before me

and in the quietest moments of the night
i hear them humming in the star-dusted cosmos 
and the low rumble of the darkened blue sky:

kau tidak pernah sendirian, anak kita tersayang
kau adalah kita, kita adalah kau
kita melihatmu, mendengarmu, dan menjagamu.

(you are never alone, loving child of ours
you are us, we are you
we see you, hear you, and protect you)

binding us together in our mutual queerness
and the history made and the history imparted
existing now within, queer beings of the present

in honor of those who weaved the fabric of our history
paved way for spaces made for our shared queer existence
who knew who they were and fought to become,

i endeavor to choose to come in.

with the steps i take on this earth
each point of connection my feet on the soil 
i redefine liberation where liberation is suppressed

upholding presence of truth where truth can manifest
sustaining freedom in places where it is impossible to be stolen
deep in my heart and my spirit and bones

and the gratitude of being queer i practice daily herein
thanking the multitude of stars that alive is within
continuing this legacy of which i have been given
in a rebellion against disregard of my dignity that is human

and at night i close my eyes in the gentlest of reverence 
wishing blessings and warmth unto this family of mine
my ancestors, my siblings, and my community divine
in the universe above and the earth in the present:

may all queer beings feel joy
may all queer beings feel peace
may all queer beings feel free.


Written by Rajendra Mir (Twitter: @rals_etc)