Coming Out To My Parents

It’s tough for me to continuously lie to my parents that I will marry a girl. My principle is — I would rather be honest with someone so that I don’t have any issues with them. Though my parents have always said that they don’t mind me marrying any type of girl (regardless of race, religion or colour), I did test the waters before I came out to them. I asked them what if I turned out to be gay, and the usual response was that they would be OK with it. 

One night, my parents were in my room speaking to my brother and I about our future. Midway through the conversation, I don’t know what got into me — I just blurted out that I was gay. It was pure silence at first, then a lot of crying and questioning ensued. My mum fainted; I felt awful about it. My dad told us to get some sleep since it was late. I was very thankful that I was not kicked out of the house — something that many of us who want to come out always fear. 

The next night, it got worse. More crying and questioning about how and when it happened — they wondered how I was gay when I didn’t display any traits of being a gay man. My mum pleaded with me to change. That was in 2016. As the years passed, I developed a barrier with my parents — when they spoke to me, I would be silent, snappy, or just have very short conversations with them. I wanted to protect myself from the pain, and this greatly affected my relationship with my parents. 

September 2017: I was in a job that made me miserable. My dad invited me to have dinner with him at my usual favourite place. We just talked about how I disliked the job and whatnots. I don’t remember how the conversation went, but my dad accepted me for who I am, and later, my mum did too. I remember he said, “Silly boy, we still love you despite who you are.” I teared up because I felt so stupid. From then onwards, my relationship with my parents improved. It was a truly touching moment. I was really happy to be who I really am. I believe that time heals everything, and things will fall in place when the time is right. 

 — R