Why is everyone making a big deal about being gay?
A few years ago, I didn’t get it. What was the point of going for pride marches or putting on rainbow filters? If I was gay, I didn’t need everyone to know. Why was it important that Jon loved Amin? If they really loved each other, they didn’t need to prove it in public.
I’m gay person in a conservative country. What should I expect? Religion states that it isn’t right. Mom and dad agree too, along with the hundreds of people that sit in the pews. I mean… yeah, it’s too bad the world is against me, but I didn’t need to make a scene. I just had to live my life.
Sometimes, they made fun of me for being a little soft. Big deal! I’d compensate by being smart, and smart people find ways to solve issues. I’d just not play in team sports and put in some time to fix the way I walk.
I could pretend, or even try to like a girl, joke about watching straight porn with the boys, and kiss my gay romance goodbye. There was no need to suffer for being flamboyant—I’d really just be asking for it.
Why make a big deal about being gay? I just didn’t get it… until the day I did.
It wasn’t about the attention. It was about self-affirmation. All those years of hiding and changing myself—whose life was I trying to live? What a shame how years of discrimination normalizes it, even for those under its oppressive weight.
I guess when change seems too big to comprehend, it’s easier to accept that things won’t change. Funny how I am gay, but am not an ally—not to the community; not even to myself.
Looking back now, I’ve robbed myself of so many opportunities and genuine moments. What cost had I paid? Love? Identity? Freedom? I didn’t need to go through that, and the youth now shouldn’t go through that either.
It’s okay to love like Jon and Amin. I didn’t get it until I did. One day the world will too, all thanks to the people who make a big deal about being gay.
— PrJ